Forrest Gump’s Mom: Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re gonna get…
Me: Well, we both know that’s not true, don’t we, Mrs. Gump?
(The crowd gasps)
Mrs. G: What–I–I don’t know what you mean…
Me: DON’T YOU PLAY DUMB WITH ME!
(I lean in towards the witness stand. Mrs. G. is now beginning to sweat)
We all know that there’s the Weird Lumpy Coconut Blob of Disappointment, the Orange Toffee Truffle of Confusion, the Too-Salted Caramel, the Cherry-and-Pure-Acetone-Liquor of Regret, and the Okayish Peanut Thing.
(the court goes wild. The judge pounds his gavel uselessly as a fight breaks out among the jury)
Judge: ORDER! I WILL HAVE ORDER IN MY COURTROOM!
(A lady faints.)
Me: (puts on my sunglasses then whips them off again) Check your facts.
