What The What? #1: How NOT to Thank Your Barista

Most People:

*sips drink

“Man this coffee’s great, I want to tip them extra today.”

Me:

*sips my white pumpkin mocha**

“I just want to gently place my drink in its cupholder, turn, throw myself through the take-out window, grab the baristas in a bear hug, violently yank them by their collars over to my face with my fists, and whisper “You people are doing the Lord’s work…” as I gently stroke their slouch hats.”

*stunned silence

“…Is that weird?”

**white mocha with a pump of pumpkin. A pumpkinpump. A pumpumkin. A PUMPkin. OK done now.